|I wonder if you can tell when I can tell that you're lying.|
|Laying here in awe at your lack of interest in my body. |
|The dreams continue. This time, I'm in highschool. Something has happened and they are quarantining us in the school by piling massive amounts of firewood onto the building. I'm looking out an open window, thinking I should get out before they cover the entire thing. I don't move as I see chunks of wood falling and piling up, covering the last escape route. Suddenly everyone realizes: we are trapped. There is a moment of claustrophobic hysteria, then my dream shifts forward. I'm outside, looking at a taxidermied version of my family. My dad and mom together, his face unnaturally hooked in a happy grin, eyes gazing at my mom. I am there too, stuffed and posed...on the edge of the group. I remember rearranging the stuffed version of myself, pulling her closer to the rest of the family.|
Standing there observing my dead family, my mom appears in untaxidermied form as well, with a girl from the school. We talk about the situation, how horrible it is that everyone died. Everyone died? Smoke inhalation/Suffocation. They had set the wood on fire, thinking it would burn away quickly, and that everyone could get out safely, and cured from whatever they were quarantining us for. Something had not gone according to plan, and now my dream had this feeling of mourning, the sense that some deep, scarring, evil thing had occurred... It was understood that my mom had saved me somehow, and possibly this other girl. I don't remember it happening, it was only implied.
|Really bizarre dreams about my mother, on different nights. First, she was driving me to work. I was already an hour late and she didn't know where she was going. I couldn't figure out how to direct her, though I knew where to go. Lots of wrong turns, even as I pointed the way. Confusion and frustration. I was screaming at her to just let me out of the car so I could walk, but she insisted on driving. I never made it, and I woke up with clenched teeth and a headache.|
Then, news from a stranger that her boyfriend had died. She was silent, as if it made no difference to her. My brother laughed about it and she overheard him. Still no reaction. I had the strong desire to hold her, comfort her, draw the sadness out of her if it was there. I didn't. I woke up with that feeling of condensation in my lungs, as if I had been breathing deep salty ocean breaths.